


Never Say Never

by AlexandraMills



Series: Defining Home [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Kidnapping, M/M, Minor Character Death, Murder, Past Drug Addiction, Physical Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 00:29:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2208837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexandraMills/pseuds/AlexandraMills
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam has had enough of John's abuse. He takes some money and leaves. After Sam's boyfriend, Jess, is murdered, Sam sinks into a deep depression, blaming himself for Jess' death. When a desperate prayer is answered in a surprising way, Sam falls in love all over again. Gabriel offers a Sam surprising gift. When Gabriel's life is in mortal danger, Sam realizes just how much he is willing to sacrifice to save his love. Sam won't survive without Gabriel!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Roanoke

July 15th

Sam walks out of the bathroom after his shower. John, his father, is sitting at the table with a beer clutched in his hands. More beer bottles litter the floor, as well as two bottles of whisky, and one bottle of rum. John turns around as Sam enters the room. His eyes are bloodshot. He glares at Sam with obvious rage and hate.  
Shit! He's drunk! I'm going to be in for it now. Why the hell did I bring up my issues with hunting again?! Sam thinks.  
John stands up and attempts to walk toward Sam. His steps are a bit unsteady, which makes it quite obvious just how much he has had to drink.  
"So? Are you ready to apologize or do I need to teach you not to question me?" John asks.  
Sam just stands there warily. He will never apologize, especially when his father is this drunk. John seems to be enraged by Sam's lack of response. He stumbles toward Sam. Sam backs up until his back hits the wall and he can go no further. John leans in and the smell of alcohol is evident on his breath.  
"You will do what I say!" He screams at Sam.  
Sam flinches involuntarily and this encourages John. He takes a swing at Sam and Sam ducks barely avoiding the fist that has now made a hole in the plaster wall of the cheap motel room. John, prepared for this, kicks Sam in the chest. Sam falls over unable to breathe. He clutches his chest and he's sure at least one rib is broken. John picks Sam up and hits him with enough force to throw him into the wall.  
Thank God Dean is working undercover. He doesn't need to see this. Sam thinks as John continues to attack him. Sam is thrown to the floor. Lying there like a marionette with its strings cut, Sam doesn’t move as John continues to kick him.  
Finally John has had enough. He grabs a wad of cash and leaves, most likely to find a bar to buy something stronger than a beer, which is probably all that is left in the room. Sam lies on the floor for what feels like an eternity. Finally he sits up. The pain is so intense he throws up immediately. He knows he can't stay any longer.  
Quickly, incase John comes back, Sam throws his clothes and some food in his duffle bag. He looks through John's jacket pockets until he finds some money, $6,000. He grabs a piece of paper and begins to write.

Dear Dean,  
I am so sorry to leave you. I know you hate chick flick moments, so I'll keep this short. I just need you to know it isn't your fault. I'm leaving because of Dad. It has nothing to do with you.  
Goodbye,  
Sam

Satisfied with his note, Sam tucks it into a pair of Dean's pants. Trying to think clearly though his pain, Sam gets up and leaves the motel room. He walks through the city. At 3 am, Philadelphia is still surprisingly busy. He makes it to the nearest bus stop and is able to catch a bus to Center City.  
Sam goes from bus to bus. He hurts so much, but he has to get as far as possible from John before he gets back. Sam looks out at the sun, which is now quite high in the sky. He looks at a sign the bus is passing: Roanoke VA 20 miles. Sam is in too much pain to go any further. He decides that he might as well stay here.  
Sam walks through the city looking for a motel. Seeing a promising one he goes inside. Walking to the desk, Sam asks for a room. He is surprised when no one asks for ID because he doesn’t look 18. Sam is actually 17. He pays for his room and goes to see what the room will actually be like for tonight. He lies down on the bed and falls asleep almost immediately.


	2. Homeless

*2 years later*

January 23rd-February 18th

Sam huddles next to the heater. The shelter is packed tonight. It's well below freezing outside. Two years, that's how long he's been living in this damn homeless shelter.

He closes his eyes. It's also three months to the day since Jess died. Jess had been the most amazing boyfriend ever. Sam still woke up crying most nights when he remembered seeing the gun shooting Jess. He can't even remember the last time he had a decent nights sleep. Every time he tries to sleep he sees himself holding Jess begging him to not die, to hold on until the EMTs arrived. Jess had died before the paramedics could even arrive.

Why is he still here? Life is too painful! Sam just wants to die. Jess's death was all his fault! Sam had needed a fix and Jess had gone to get him one. If Sam hadn't convinced Jess to go to their dealer that night he would never have been shot! Ugh! Sam is the worst fucking excuse for a human being. He should just end it! The world would be better off without him.

The winter had been brutal so far. Sam watches the sun come up. He hadn't slept at all. Stretching, he sits up and gets into line for breakfast. Oatmeal is the only option today, but that's fairly normal. Sam just keeps hanging on and hoping one day things will get better.

Another month has passed and Sam is realizing just how severe his depression has grown. All he thinks about any more is dying. He wishes he could just end it. He wonders why he hasn't done just that yet. It feels like he's waiting for something. But what? Nothing will ever get better.

Sam is done. He won't deal with this anymore! His hands shake as he sits on the ground behind an abandoned church. He holds the razor in his hands. He thinks about his mother. Dean had told him that she used to pray to angels and Sam thinks he might as well send out a quick prayer before he dies and that way he can think about her as he dies. Sam takes a deep breath.

I don't know if there really are any angels out there, but I really want Jess to know how much he meant to me. I guess Gabriel would be the best to pray to because he is the messenger angel. Sam thinks.

Gabriel, my name is Sam. I just want to tell my boyfriend, Jess, who I know will be in heaven, if it exists, that I love him and miss him. I hope I get to see him, once I'm gone.

An odd sound, like flapping wings, reaches Sam's ears and a voice says his name quietly. Sam whips around and sees a short man staring at him.

"What the hell!?" Sam exclaims.

"Well, actually 'what the heaven' would be more correct!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural.


	3. Saved

February 18th

"Who the hell are you?" Sam asks.

"Not hell...heaven." The man repeats again, "And please put that blade down. Life is precious and I want you to hear me out before you do anything stupid!"

For some reason Sam trusts this strange man. He lowers the razor.

"That's better. My name's Gabriel. Which should be obvious considering you just prayed to me."

Sam stares at this man in shock. He knows from his days as a hunter that demons and monster exist, but angels? He has never heard of anyone actually meeting one before.

"I know you want to die," Gabriel says flatly.

He looks at Sam with a deep gaze that seems to reach down to Sam's soul. Sam feels uncomfortable under that searching look.

"Yeah, I do. And there is nothing you can do to stop me. I can't take the pain anymore."

"Sam, I can do something to stop you. In fact there are many ways I can stop you. But I'll give you a reason to stay."

"Yeah? Like what?" Sam scoffs.

"You can come with me. I'll protect you and I could really use a companion." Gabriel says with a small smile.

Sam looks at Gabriel. Maybe it would be nice to leave all this shit behind. He could start over with Gabriel and maybe even be happy.

Taking a deep breath, Sam says, "fine, I'll give it a chance!"


	4. Vital

June 6th

*two years later*

"Honey, I'm home!" Gabriel shouts as he bursts through the door into his and Sam's home.

"Gabe, that's getting so old. You're a trickster. It shouldn't be so difficult for you to think up a new greeting," Sam chides with a smirk.

Gabriel lives for that smirk. It makes his day so much better. He gives Sam a quick kiss, which ends up being quite long, after Sam pulls him close and makes the kiss deeper.

"You know you love it," Gabriel says once he catches his breath.

"Whatever," Sam replies with another kiss.

"I found another town," Gabriel tells Sam.

"What's going on with this one?"

"Well, there's this store owner who fires employees after one mistake, even if it's something really small. There's a family where the mother is a total bitch. Then, I found a teacher who gets his students to have sex with him for better grades. Oh, and last, but not least, there is a candy shop," Gabriel says in a rush.

"There has to be a candy shop. I can't live without a candy shop!" Exclaims Sam.

"I thought you couldn't live without me?" Gabriel asks with mock pain.

"Well, if I had to pick, I'd pick you and you know that," Sam responds with a small kiss, "it's just you've had centuries to get used to the candy obsession and I've only had two years!"

"Well no one asked your soul to actually make use of my residual grace after I burned out that awful demon blood," Gabriel pouts.

"Well, it has been useful on occasion," Sam says with a smile.

"Yeah, killing thirty demons by yourself, that might be useful," Gabriel says sarcastically.

Gabriel begins their favorite game. He focuses his grace on manifesting his white wings. Sam tries to grab them and just barely misses as Gabriel stops his grace. Sam then takes his turn. His dusty gray wings flit into existence. He's just a second too slow though and Gabriel grabs his wings before they disappear. He runs his fingers gently over the top of the wings. Sam groans. The feeling of his wings being touched is one of the best sensations. Gabriel cards his fingers through the feathers causing Sam to shiver.

Sam grabs Gabriel and pushes him onto their bed with a growl. He snaps his fingers and both Gabriel's and his shirt disappear. Sam runs his hand down Gabriel's chest trying to use only the lightest touch. Gabriel shivers and tries to lie still.

After another minute of this, Gabriel can't wait any longer. He grabs Sam's arms and pulls Sam down on top of him. Sam starts to move his hips in circular motions, pushing down harder each round. Gabriel starts to pant and moan at this touch. He hooks his leg over Sam's hip and flips them over. He trails fiery kisses down Sam's chest. When he reaches Sam's jeans he slowly takes them off.

"Please, Gabe! You're killing me! Take them off," Sam tries to demand, but it just sounds like begging.

Gabriel obliges and finishes removing them and his own pants with a snap of his fingers. Gabriel runs his hand over Sam's dick which elicits a loud moan from Sam. He materializes lube and begins to work Sam. Sticking one finger in and moving it around. Gabriel inserts another finger and scissors Sam open. He continues until Sam is prepared. Gabriel slicks up his cock. In one fluid motion he pushes deep into Sam. Sam groans. Gabriel waits until Sam is ready. He pulls almost all the way out before slamming back down. He gets a rhythm going and takes Sam's dick pumping it in the same rhythm. Sam and Gabriel are both reaching climax. Sam orgasms first and Gabriel follows close behind.

They lie down next too each other. Sam looks at Gabriel and says, "I'm glad we've got forever, because I am never going to get tired of that!"

"Me either. I will admit though, angelic immortality was not something I expected my grace to give you, but I'm so glad it did!"

Sam and Gabriel lie on the bed together until Sam falls asleep. Sam's ability to sleep was one of the few things not altered by Gabriel's grace.


	5. Haunted

April 30th

*One year later*

Spring is a wonderful time for pranks. Gabriel and Sam both agree with that. It is for that very reason, they have traveled to a remote area in Nevada. The town isn't even on the map. It is more of a settlement than anything else. The only business buildings are a post office, a rundown bar with a small shop attached, a dilapidated school, and a library that also functions as the town meeting house. They all surround a cobblestone square. Of course the shop sells a large amount of candy. Sam and Gabriel wouldn't have bothered to come here otherwise. Sam and Gabriel have been in the town for two weeks and they are thinking about leaving soon.

"Moose, I'm going to go get some candy. Are you going to be alright while I'm gone?" Gabriel asks Sam worry lacing his voice. Sam has seemed off to Gabriel all day. Gabriel is very anxious to know what Sam is upset about, but he knows to give Sam time to tell him. He won't try to force Sam to talk. It wouldn't work anyway.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Sam replies, making an effort for the statement to sound true.

Sam really is fine. He just has been preoccupied with thoughts about his old family. He has no idea why he is suddenly thinking about Dean so much. For the first time since he left Sam wishes he hadn't. Well, he doesn't regret leaving exactly. In all honesty he regrets not being able to give Dean a proper goodbye. When Sam look up, Gabriel has already left.

Outside it is drizzling, but it looks like that could change to a downpour any minute. Gabriel appears behind the library where he knows it will be deserted. He conjures up a coat. He doesn't get cold, but people might notice if he wasn't wearing a coat in the nasty weather that was definitely on its way. With another look at the sky, Gabriel opened the door to the bar and went inside.

He walked toward the entrance to the shop, but he heard a comment a customer at the bar had said. Gabriel turned his route toward the bar. Siting down near the three men, Gabriel began to eavesdrop.

"Well, I'm still saying there's something to hunt here and until I decide differently we stay put," said the one man. He has dark hair and a deep voice that sounds furious at the moment.

"Dad, I know you think something's here and I agree. I just think we need to figure out what it is as soon as possible," another of the men replies. This one seems to be the youngest and seems to be trying to calm his father down.

"John, you need to calm down," the third man says flatly.

Fuck! Did he just say John? Gabe thinks. If it is true than this could very well be Sam's old family! Maybe that's why Sam has been acting odd. Gabe worries. But why wouldn't he tell me that he saw his family?

The three men appear to be silently contemplating their own thoughts. Gabe thinks that they probably won't be saying anything of interest anymore. Gabriel gets up quietly and goes into the candy shop. He gets what he came for and goes back to Sam.

"Hey Gabe," Sam tiredly says, without looking up from his book, as Gabriel appears I'm their room.

"Sam..." Gabriel says in a tone that is half-way between a warning and worry, "have you seen John, Dean, or Bobby?"

Sam looks up in shock. He and Gabriel have an unspoken agreement not to discuss the test of the Winchesters or any of their associates. He can't believe Gabriel thinks he would try and contact them.

"W-w-what?" Sam stutters.

"The Winchesters and company. Did you see them? Is that why you're upset?" Gabriel asks trying to remain calm.

"Gabe, I have no idea where they are even, if I wanted to talk to them."

"Sam, they're here," Gabe whispers so quietly that Sam almost misses it.

"They're here!" Sam exclaims in shock and outrage.

Gabriel listens to Sam's shock and takes the reaction very differently.

He wants to go back to them. Gabriel thinks. Well, if Sam wants to go back, Gabriel will do his damned best to make sure it happens, but fuck does he wish that he never will have to give up Sam!

"Sam, I'll help you go back to them, if that's what you want," Gabriel says.

"Gabe! How can you think I'd like to go back to them, after all this shit my 'father' put me through?" Sam replies.

"Oh." Gabriel responds, "well you should probably know that they are hunting us."

"Fuck," Sam says, which just about sums everything up.

The next day, Sam goes to get some food. He walks down the street. Sam has been very careful to make sure that none of his 'family' sees him.

"Sammy?" A voice says.

Fuck. So much for that. Sam thinks.

He turns slowly around. Dean is standing there looking at him with his mouth hanging open.

"Yes?" Sam says in a cold and unwelcoming tone. He knows it isn't Dean's fault that John acted the way he did, but Sam never thought Dead would stay with the asshole after Sam left. Apparently Sam was wrong.

"Oh my god!" Dean shouts. He runs at Sam and grips him in a bear hug.

"Sammy, what are you doing here!? Come on! Dad and Bobby are here too. We're hunting a trickster. After we finish we're leaving, you can come too." Dean says in a rush.

"No," Sam states flatly, turns on his heal, and walks back to his an Gabriel's home.

Dean looks dumbfounded. He stairs after Sam, but doesn't dare follow him. After Sam disappears off the road, Dean runs back to the cheap motel where he, John, and Bobby are staying.

Bursting in the room Dean turns to Bobby and John and shouts, "Sam is here!"

"What are you talking about, idgit?" Bobby asks clearly think Dean has lost it.

"Sam. Is. In. This. Town." Dean says again slowly.

"How do you know for sure?" John questions.

"Because I just talked with him. I told him to come back with me and he refused," Dean says sadly.

"Well, we'll just have to make him. We'll go find him tomorrow morning." John states.

The men get up to get ready for bed. None of them had noticed the man who was standing in the large closet in the room. And none of them notice now as the man disappears.

Back in Sam and Gabriel's room, Sam paces. Why isn't Gabe back? He should be back by now! Something must have happened to him! Sam thinks as he begins to panic.

Just as Sam is deciding that he needs to go after Gabriel, Gabriel appears.

"Gabe, what's going on?" Sam asks.

The archangel sighs, "they know you're here. Dean told them. They're planning on getting you tomorrow morning. I don't think John is above kidnapping you."

"We'll just have to leave then," Sam says easily.

"I could just kill them," Gabriel says jokingly.

"Don't hurt Dean or Bobby, but by all means go after John," Sam says seriously.

"I don't want you making a choice you'll regret, Moose. We'll leave tomorrow morning. Wait a few weeks, if you still want John dead I'll go after him then. Deal?" The archangel asks nervously.

"Deal," Sam responds.


	6. Missing

February 26th

Why did people insist on calling winter a wonderland? Gabriel thinks. The weather is cold, wet, and it is almost always overcast.

Gabriel looks at the clock, 6:45 pm. What the hell is taking Sam so long? Gabriel takes a deep breath. He knows he needs to stop worrying so much. Sam is almost as powerful as he is and Sam will be back soon and then they can cuddle on the bed. Gabriel hears a scream from outside the motel room.

Sam! He thinks and runs out the door without even a quick glance for his own safety. Suddenly a ring of fire surrounds him. Not just any fire. It's burning holy oil. Gabriel is trapped. A shadow appears outside the fire looking at him.

" Well, well, it looks like Gabriel can be caught fairly easily, if one just learns his weakness. A human, and a Winchester at that? Gabriel, I'm surprised that you would fall for him. Well, then again, not really. You always have had soft spot for humans haven't you?"

...

Sam opens the door to the motel room. It's empty. Gabe must have gone to get more candy. Sam knows the candy supply is getting weak. They could just conjure up candy, but it gets boring doing that all the time. Besides Sam and Gabriel both like to support local candy shop owners. Sam goes into the room and throws his bag onto the couch. His prank had gone better than even he expected. Throwing a guy who thinks wormholes are just fiction into a real (well sort of real) wormhole, now that's fun!

Then Sam notices a piece of note paper that reads on the nightstand table by their bed.

That's odd. Sam thinks. Who would leave a note here? Gabe could just tell me through our walkie-talkies. Sam chuckles at the inside joke. When he and Gabe realized the angel radio existed, but just between them they had nicknamed it their own personal walkie-talkie system.

Sam picks up the note and reads it.

Dearest Sam,

I found him! John! Now it's time to pay him back for all the shot he did to you as a kid. I'll be back later. Don't wait up, Moose.

See ya soon,

Gabe

Sam stares in shock. The note is clearly in Gabe's handwriting, but Sam knows he didn't write this willingly. Sam had decided not to go after John less than two weeks after they Sam him. Someone has kidnaped Gabe! Sam reaches out for Gabriel. He can feel the archangel's presence, but it feels distorted and muffled. As if a pillow was being pressed overtop of the connection. Now, Sam is starting to truly panic! Through the muted contact Sam hears one phrase over and over again: SAM HELP ME!

I'm coming Gabe! Sam shouts through the barrier. He has no idea, if Gabe has heard him. He doesn't wait to find out, but quickly begins his search.


	7. Vengeance

March 2nd

Sam hasn't slept since he realized that Gabe is gone. He has been searching without stopping ever since. He keeps trying to find Gabriel's location, but he can't! Suddenly the connection seems to shift. The change lasts only a fraction of a second, but it's enough! Sam has found Gabriel's location! He gathers his strength and uses his angel powers to teleport while being invisible. Sam watches the scene in front of him.

Gabriel stands in a ring of holy oil. A woman that Sam somehow knows as Abaddon stands just outside of the holy oil.

As Sam watches she uses telekinesis to pour some burning holy oil onto Gabriel. Gabriel screams as it burns his skin. She drips it in thin lines and thick lines, circles, and swirls. She paints it onto him and relishes in his screams of agony. After a little while, Abaddon stops. She laughs at the tear stains that mark Gabriel's face. Angry red burns lace their way in ugly patterns around his skin. And then Abaddon picks up an angel blade.

"Gabriel," she screams in a demented voice, "we could have ruled the world you and I. I would have led everyone and you would have helped me!"

She lifts the blade into the air with her mind and prepares to deliver the death blow. The knife pulls Sam back to himself. He runs at the flame just as the blade flys though the air. It lands in his side and slides between his ribs. Sam lands on the fire and uses his own telekinesis to throw Gabriel over his body. Sam's body protects Gabe's from the flames. The fire eats at Sam. He feels his body shutting down from the shock.

Gabriel looks up at Abaddon. He watches as she lifts the blade to end his life. Out of nowhere, a large shape lands on top of the fire and Gabriel feels himself being thrown out of the fire ring.

He lands neatly and spins around. He sees Abaddon and runs at her. A blade appears in Gabriel's hand. He launches himself at her and stabs her through the heart. She screams and her eyes light up as she dies.

Gabriel turns and looks for his savior. He knows who it will be, but every fiber in his being is begging him to be wrong.


	8. Nothingness

March 2nd

"Sam!" Gabriel shouts. He sees his beloved lying in the fire. Gabriel immediately quenches the fire. He teleports to Sam without even realizing that he did. Sam's breathing is slow and shallow. it catches from time to time. Gabriel can see the extent of the burns. He knows it may kill him to try and heal this much damage, but he has to try! He places two fingers on Sam's chest right over his heart. Gabriel draws in a deep breath and prepares to heal Sam. A hand stops him.

Sam places his burnt hand on top of Gabriel's.

"Gabe, I'm too hurt," Sam begins.

"Don't say that! I'll heal you!" Gabe pleads.

"You know as well as I do that it will kill you!"

"It will kill me to loose you, Sam!"

"You survived for millennia without me. You can do it again. You have to let me go, Gabe."

Gabe holds Sam and cradle his head. Large tears spill out of Gabriel's eyes. He makes sure that none of them fall onto Sam's skin. Sam takes a great shuddering breath and the he stops breathing altogether. Gabriel screams in Enochian. All the glass within 600 feet of him shatters as his heart does the same. He holds Sam close to his chest. Sam still has a soul. Gabriel knows this. He leans down and plants a kiss on the blackened skin.

"I will find your soul and I WILL bring you back," Gabriel whispers against Sam's chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a lead in to part 2.


End file.
